China Quote Book Featuring Scott

December 1, 2015
When I was in college, I kept a quote book and filled it up with hysterical quotations from my friends and family members. If I was having a bad day, I'd pull out this book, look it over and dare myself not to smile. Ninety-nine percent of the time, this strategy worked and my mood was lifted. It's also a great souvenir to have of my college days. When I moved to China, Scott and I decided to start a quote book of funny things we each said to one another this year. Truthfully, we haven't been doing the best job, and I often forget to document the silly sentences that come out of my close friend's mouth. I did manage to jot down a few funny snippets from our conversations, so ideally they'll be as entertaining for you as they are for me.

Scott quote: "This is a really good filter for us!"
Quote 1:

Scott: *Waves down co-worker and goes out of his way to say hi*
Co-worker: "Oh, hi. I'm just headed out to my birthday dinner."
Scott (after the co-worker left): *Sigh* Great. I was going to wear this outfit later this week and now that I've just seen her, I feel like I can't!

Quote 2:

Let me preface this next one by saying that Scott is super smart, but he has this problem where he will use a word that is totally wrong. He'll do it over and over, which makes it even funnier.

Scott: "That turkey really needs to shut up." (He was pointing to a rooster crowing.)

Here's another example of this via text message. He ALWAYS uses dollars and RMB interchangeably even though they are two separate currencies:

Scott: "To get into the beer festival, just buy tickets from the scalpers. They are $30."
Me: "Wait, tickets for this thing are 30 USD? I don't know if I'm willing to pay that much just to get in."
Another mutual friend: "The tickets are 30 RMB." (Equivalent to almost 5 USD.)

Quote 3:

Scott (with his back turned to me after having knocked right into me): "Oh, sorry!"
Me: "It's okay."
Scott (after having turned around): "Oh, it's just you. I'm not sorry at all then!"

Quote 4:

Me: "Okay, we really need to stop talking and get some sleep. GN."
Scott: "What word did you just say in Chinese?"
Me: "I didn't say anything in Chinese."
Scott: "I thought I just heard you say something in Chinese, but okay."
*Then our conversation went elsewhere for 20 more minutes...
Me: "It's so late. We seriously have to go to bed for real this time. GN."
Scott: "You just did it again! You just spoke in Chinese again! Why won't you tell me what it means?"
Me (laughing hysterically): "All I said was GN, as in an abbreviation for good night!"
Scott: "Ooooh, I thought you were saying "xiyen" and that meant something!"

Quote 5:

Scott (after dropping forks on the kitchen floor): "It's ready."
Me: "I know you. You just picked up that fork that fell on the floor and you're going to try to pass it off on me!"
Scott (laughing): "Well, they got mixed up so I don't know which one actually fell on the floor. It could be mine."
Me: "Then I'm not going to use a fork to eat my moon cake!"
Scott (looking distraught): "But you have to! It's dainty!"

Quote 6:

Scott: "I want to take a bath!"
Scott (2 seconds later): "Oh my God!! Why did I just take my pill!? I was supposed to take a bath, not my pill. I wasn't supposed to have my pill until 10 pm!"

Quote 7:

Me: "Which lipstick would look better? This one or this?"
Scott, staring: "Um, I'm color blind."
Me: "Oh yeah."

Quote 8:

Me: "The people in that town we used to live in together are a special breed. I don't miss them at all."
Scott: "Yeah, I was scrolling through my Facebook friend's list today thinking, "I don't miss you or you or you."

Quote 9:

Me: "Great! This cup is deformed and I just spilled pomegranate juice all over my new, white shirt! Hold on and let me use my Tide To Go pen."
Scott: "Hurry up, because I just got a whiff of vomit."
Me: "Um, that would be me because I think it's my Tide To Go pen that smells like that."
Scott: "Omg, it is the pen!!"

Quote 10:

At the Propaganda Museum in the gift shop

Scott: "Which poster do you like the best?"
Me: "The one of the women dancing in ballet slippers with guns."
Scott: "Oh. I really like this one the best. (Points to the one with a Chinese and Russian man who have their arms around each other.) Is it too gay?"
Me: "Who cares? If you like it, just get it."
Scott: "No, because if I hang it up on my wall people might say, "Oh, this is the gay house."

That's all I have for now! Hopefully you find some of the quotes at least semi-amusing and that I don't just have an odd sense of humor.

What are some funny quotes from the people in your life that you have written down?
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