I don't know what's going on exactly, but it seems like lately my emotions are getting the best of me. Maybe it's because my surgery and (still ongoing) recovery last year opened the floodgates. Maybe it's because I've been influenced by Rachael, who describes herself as a "very emotional" person. Or, maybe it's because I'm just more appreciative of the little things after being cooped up for months on end. I would say it's a bit out of character for me, but I think this is becoming a part of my personality now. I don't really consider this problematic because it's not like I'm only crying because I'm upset.
For example, yesterday was a gorgeous, sunny Sunday in Sevilla. As I was taking a Sunday stroll, I started feeling nostalgic about the two years I lived in Europe. I remembered how on Sundays everything was shut down, so I spent a lot of quality time with my friends and the family that I worked for. That caused me to take a big trip down memory lane, and then I heard some performers start playing some beautiful classical music. At that moment, I started tearing up because while I've always wanted to live in Europe, it became clear to me on this trip that I don't want to live anywhere else. This realization made me more determined to get out of debt so that I can make this possible! After all, wanting to teach in Europe was one of the main reasons I went back to school to pursue a Masters in Education. Life happened, and I think I lost sight of that, but now it's back on my radar and I'm going to try to take the necessary steps for this to actually occur. But yeah, I basically started crying in the street because I realized how well Europe suits me. This is one love affair that's going to be lifelong.
The second stop on my crying journey has to do with this Facebook group I joined for those who suffer from back problems and for people who have also had spinal fusions like me. When I read some of those posts, it just sickens me because I REALLY feel for those people who are posting with major problems. So many people have lost their jobs or have been fired for "other reasons" (not true!). Some have had to apply for disability because their surgeries went wrong, and they can't live a normal life, let alone work. Many have had to get lawyers and really fight hard for years to get approved for disability pay. A lot of people are not in a good spot financially because they can't work or they are drowning in medical bills. People have lost their homes, their jobs, and sometimes even their spouses who do not want to shoulder the burden of this massive surgery. Some patients are worse off after the surgery--I read about a woman becoming paralyzed and she is now in a wheelchair where she will likely remain for the rest of her life. So, I not only cry for them, but selfishly and with a guilty conscience, I also cry with relief for myself knowing full-well how it could have been me and isn't.
Are you ready for crying example number three? If you've been following me on Instagram, you'll know that I spent thirteen days traveling through Morocco. I signed up for a thirteen day tour, so it was clear all along how many days I would spend in Morocco. At the end of my amazing trip, I started feeling extremely sad about leaving and was fighting back tears as Rachael and I said goodbye to our guide, Hassan. I don't do well with endings, and this one was an exceptionally sad one because who knows if I'll ever make it back to Morocco?
The next crying episode is kind of funny. When Rachael and I arrived in Spain, we desperately wanted to go shopping because in Shanghai, we are limited in what we can wear and buy since sometimes our favorite products are not always available in China. Also, we are both tall and curvy girls, so what fits the average Chinese woman will not fit us. We went into a department store called El Corte Inglés and were ecstatic to see tons of products/brands that we just don't have in China. Even some of the products that we ARE able to buy were much cheaper in Spain. While we were looking at all of the makeup, we both were so deliriously happy that we started to cry a little. It might sound silly, but that day was really something we both kind of needed. I didn't get body shamed once, and I was able to try on clothes and have stuff fit me. For the first time in a long time, I felt normal.
Then there's the crying related to political drama because let's face it, there's lots to be upset about especially when it comes to education.
The final time I recently cried was when I saw flamenco dancers in Triana. For the performance I watched, there was a man playing guitar, a woman singing, and both a male and female dancer. The dances and music that accompanied them were just so passionate and powerful that again, my eyes were brimming over with tears. Never underestimate the power of art.
So, this was kind of a strange post. Out of everything I could have written about, I chose to write about crying--kinda weird, but please don't tell me that or else I'll probably cry again. Or, all of a sudden I might have a sudden onset of "bad allergies," which will be my future excuse to cover up this constant crying. ;)
When was the last time you cried? Do you think crying is therapeutic?